A Sense of Loss

The Swimmers 

by Julie Otsuka

“{We] glide serenely through the water, safe in our knowledge that we are nothing more than a blurry peripheral shape glimpsed in passing through the foggy, tinted goggles of the swimmer in the next lane.”   

― Julie Otsuka, The Swimmers

This is a story of a group of swimmers who, except for their individual routines (slow lane, medium lane, rapid lane) and the comfort each person finds in their morning or afternoon laps, they are strangers to one another. However, as a rift opens up in the pool's bottom, they are abandoned in a forgiving world without solace or consolation.

Alice, one of these swimmers, is gradually losing her memory. The pool served as Alice's last line of defense against the dementia that was advancing on her. Without the support of her fellow swimmers and the stability of her daily laps, she is thrown into disarray and turmoil and is reminded of her early years and the Japanese American internment camp where she spent the war. When Alice's estranged daughter unexpectedly re-enters her mother's life, she sees the tragically abrupt fall of her mother. 

The narrative is a compelling and enduring work yet from a modern artist, told in hypnotic, incantatory writing. It is a searing, intimate story of mothers and daughters, and the pangs of loss. Otsuka's style is somewhat subdued: She constructs lists and litanies that initially seem modest, even mundane, but by the time the paragraph comes to a close, you are astounded by what she has accomplished. I was moved by the lovely detail... 

In this work, scenes repeat in the same way that the mind does or the way that swimmers swim laps, rather than just accumulating. These accumulations add up to a terrible sense of loss and being too late. The Swimmers is a beautiful book that mimics a companion for a time of tedium and disorder, when death is as real as it is unimaginable.

Something Beautiful

A River Runs through It 

by Norman Maclean

"One of life's quiet excitements is to stand somewhat apart from yourself and watch yourself softly becoming the author of something beautiful, even if it is only a flowating ash."  -  Norman Maclean

I chose to read the book when the movie version of A River Runs Through It was released a number of years ago. The stunning scenery, excellent acting, and significant passages of the story that were taken straight from the book produced one of the best films in recent memory and solidified the book's status as one of the greatest American stories. Everyone agreed that it was the best fishing narrative ever written. I diligently looked for it and read it. I learnt to appreciate it when I recently went back to it with more knowledge and just enjoyed the language and the poignant family story it told.

Here is the famous opening:
" In our family, there was no clear line between religion and fly fishing. We lived at the junction of great trout rivers in western Montana, and our father was a Presbyterian minister and a fly fisherman who tied his own flies and taught others. He told us about Christ's disciples being fishermen, and we were left to assume, as my brother and I did, that all first-class fishermen on the Sea of Galilee were fly fishermen and that John, the favorite, was a dry-fly fisherman."

In his timeless tale of dads, sons, and brothers and their frequently fruitless attempts to understand one another, MacLean shows how sport may serve as a link—and even the only link—between them. In this very nearly perfect book, MacLean's crystalline style and the moving plot will leave you haunted. It certainly did that for me and I heartily recommend this book to anyone who loves great literature.

Memoir of Life and Dance

Illusions of Camelot: A Memoir 

by Peter Boal

Dance is like life. It exists as you are flitting through it, and when it's over, it's done.   --   Jerome Robbins

I enjoyed this wonderful memoir that brilliantly combined the personal story of a somewhat dysfunctional family, at least from the paternal presence, and an amazing career of a professional ballet dancer. What made the book so special was the ability of the author to share both interesting personal and professional events that were touching and relatable to this reader. His gradual realization of his sexual identity was handled with grace as was his fortunate rise in his career as a ballet dancer. Some highlights included details about the development of his ballet persona as well as intimate moments with stars like Jerome Robbins and others not so well known to the general public. His sensitive way of handling the impact of his father's alcoholism on his family was touching as well. Overall the narrative of his life kept me reading with interest and pleasure.

A Lonely Yearning

The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter 

by Carson McCullers

“The Heart is a lonely hunter with only one desire! To find some lasting comfort in the arms of anothers fire...driven by a desperate hunger to the arms of a neon light, the heart is a lonely hunter when there's no sign of love in sight!”   ― Carson McCullers





This is a coming-of-age novel, but it is atypical given that it's told from the perspective of four very divergent characters: a young girl, a drunken socialist, a black doctor and a sympathetic deaf mute - each of them grotesque in their own individual way.

All of these individuals believe they understand their place in society to differing degrees, but as the story unfolds we find that they are all actually lacking something that would enable them to fit in. Each character in McCullers' concept of the grotesque has an exceptional quality that sets them apart from the usual, yet they are nevertheless driven to seek acceptance.

The clearest example of one of the main characters still trying to figure out who they are is Mick, who, as a young adolescent, has not yet discovered who she truly is. She throws a party for her new classmates to fit in, explores sexuality with Harry Minowitz, and gives in to what a career in music can teach her about herself. Ironically, though, once she has discovered a self that she is comfortable with, she is prevented from continuing the music career due to Despite the irony, Singer does not identify with any of the other key characters but rather with the Greek, Antonapoulos. She and the other primary characters all go to Singer because they believe he is like them.

Each of the characters share similarities: they are yearning for something that will help them "grow" emotionally. The delightful young girl, Mick Kelly, shifts between being a playful tomboy and a proper young lady. Her "journey" is a heartfelt one: a poor girl who has an amazing amount of creative energy but doesn't know how to channel it in a fulfilling way. It's not until she has some kind of "awakening" that she realizes she is growing up and that her destiny is in her hands.

This was the first of McCuller's novels, and in my estimation one of the best first novels that I have ever read.

New Love or True Love?

Find Me 

by André Aciman

“Everything in my life was merely prologue until now, merely delay, merely pastime, merely waste of time until I came to know you.”   ― André Aciman, Find Me






The melancholy Call Me by Your Name by André Aciman has spoken more powerfully to modern readers about the essence of love than any book in recent memory. It was praised for being "a love letter, an invocation...an exceptionally beautiful book" (Stacey D'Erasmo, The New York Times Book Review) when it was first released in 2007. A popular, Academy Award-winning movie based on the best-selling book has about three quarters of a million copies in circulation. In this continuation of the story Aciman depicts Elio's father, Samuel, traveling from Florence to Rome to see his son who has become a talented classical pianist. Sami's plans are upset and his life is changed forever when he encounters a stunning young woman by chance on the train.

Elio soon relocates to Paris, where he also has become involved in a significant relationship, while Oliver, who is now a professor at a college in New England with a family, finds himself suddenly considering a return trip across the Atlantic.

Aciman is a master of sensibility, the personal details, and the subtle emotional undertones that make up passion. The question of whether true love actually ever dies is raised by Find Me, which takes us back to the magical realm of one of our greatest modern romances. However, I found the journey to be somewhat muddled and  not up to the high quality and intensity of the previous novel where Elio and Oliver first encountered each other.